28 and Bullied
Good Morning. Happy Thursday!
Today I thought I’d take a bit of a different approach to my blog, rather than post a million progress pictures, even though I’m darn proud of them! I’m working my tail off.
So here I sit. 28 years YOUNG, in the best shape of my life, good job, happy pup, healthy, and what I consider a normal, slightly introverted type A personality. Nothing extra weird, not a mean girl to the core. I’m sometimes shy, sometimes cranky or moody, sometimes super bubbly. Just a normal woman like the rest of the world.
YET, I’m 28 and still bullied.
I thought this was something that went away after the high school days. It starts so young, ESPECIALLY with girls. The minute you entire pre-school you are doomed the second a kid calls you a “doody- head”. One kid says it and then it catches like wild fire. Or God forbid you are the little kid that eats the Elmer’s glue paste in a jar from Kindergarten. Unfortunately I still remember that kid. Things stick (no pun intended). Did I make fun of that kid? Well no, but I still remember him! Actually I remember thinking “doesn’t that poor guy have a Mommy to pack his lunch?” “Or maybe he does and she just stinks at cooking, nothing like my mom! She makes the best lunches around”.
—Not to go off on a tangent here but BOY did my mom pack the best lunches. Kids would hover around my lunch box. If I close my eyes I can still smell the cheese balls, fruit by the foot, occasional dunk-a-roos, strawberry jelly sandwich (I hated peanut butter as a kid- oh how things change!), and my favorite, something I called “chunky chicken” when she would put diced chicken on a sandwich.
Anyway back to the point of this post. Even I am a victim of bullying. And quite frankly, it’s gotten worse recently. I know some of you out there may be thinking the following thoughts:
- Oh poor little fit girl, she’s bullied, call the wam-bulance!
- You put your information out there, you’re asking for it!
- Suck it up buttercup!
And that’s perfectly okay if you ARE thinking those things. However, I am human like every one else and I have feelings. In fact, I take things a little more personally than the average person does. It’s part of my type A personality. Strive to be the best you can be.
I’m really not talking about being bullied through my blog. That happens A LOT and the first few times, yes, it stung a little bit. But after you get so many you learn to delete, not even read them, and not look twice at the negativity. I know I am reaching so many out there and inspiring others to live a healthy lifestyle; not only through my workouts, but little changes like learning to meal prep (my most popular post to date). I had no idea people didn’t write about this topic, so I’m typically the number one hit when someone goes to Mr. Google to figure out how to meal prep! So thank you to those who found me by googling that 🙂
Off on that tangent again sorry…
Anyway, I’m talking about my daily life. Being bullied like I was in middle school all over again. It’s an awful feeling, it’s a little ridiculous, and frankly sometimes I want to say JUST KNOCK IT OFF.
I’m constantly picked at for the following reasons (and no, this is not one place or person in particular, it happens A LOT):
- The way I eat. Since when is it a bad thing to bring your lunch places or prefer to eat your own healthy meals? I’m judged and looked at like a circus freak for bringing a little chicken! I would NEVER point out someone eating unhealthy and judge them for it, so why is it okay to do to me? I often get the “oh she’s too good for our food”. It has nothing to do with that. I have goals and I plan on sticking to them.
- The way I look. I’m often told “you’re too skinny”, “you need to eat a sandwich”, “muscles belong on a man”, “you’re fit but not skinny, why do you call yourself Skinny Minnie?” “you need to gain weight”. I would NEVER tell someone they need to lose weight or make fun of their appearance, so again, why is it okay to do to someone in my position? And as for my muscles, I love them! I work hard for them.
- My current lifestyle. Just because I do not share my love life on the internet doesn’t mean I’m a lonely old maid. Somethings I prefer to keep private, and even offline I don’t talk about it. And everyone constantly asks about this. Who I’m dating, if I’m dating, why aren’t you married, why aren’t you having babies yet? Really people?
- Gym Bullying. The gym is nothing but an adult playground. You have your mean girls that whisper and giggle about you, and then the men who think you don’t belong in the weight room. I get pushed around in the weight room sometimes as if I’m not even there. Men take my equipment, or take extra space. I often think “would they do that to another man?”. Gym bullying is a big reason I keep to myself.
- My social life. Again, this goes with #3, but a little different. I don’t go out and party on the weekends like most people in their 20’s. I’m automatically labeled “boring”, “no fun”, “a loser”. I’m living my life for me, not for someone else. If me going to the gym for a few hours on weekends and catching up on my DVR and blog posts makes me a loser in someones eyes, well then they are not someone I want to associate myself with.
- Spending habits. This one frustrates me A LOT. People always commenting on me spending money for fitness clothes, conferences, kitchen purchases, blog related things. I work for all of that, no one else is paying my bills. I don’t understand why someone thinks it’s ridiculous or has to make a point that it’s insane I go to Lululemon for nice workout clothes that I live in, instead of spending it on lavish dinners out or a bar tab.
- And the newest one- The Bikini Competition. I’ve learned to tell people it is a “fitness competition” because I am immediately labeled the town wench when I tell people I will be strutting my stuff in a bikini on stage. I feel like someone is going to bring out a huge bell and start ringing it or throw stones at me. No, I am not entering Miss Hawaiian Tropic or a Hooters competition. This is about slaving in the gym and showcasing my hard work! No matter how many times I explain it, I’m labeled and ridiculed for this.
So bottom line: It’s not cool to be bullied. No matter who you are, where you come from, what your personal choices are in life, words can hurt. Words stick with you. Some may think I’m sensitive, maybe I am. I do know though this is not a one time thing. It’s daily I deal with all of the things I listed, and more than I talked about. Think before you speak and think of yourself in that persons shoes. And finally, if someone is happy with themselves in life, don’t try to bring them down off a high, help them rise up to the top! If someone’s success bothers you that bad, then get out there and make your own success! You are in control of your own destiny, no one else.
Just a different kind of blog today and some things to think about. Let’s all stop the bullying and the mean girl trend 🙂
XOXO With a Cherry On Top,
-Minnie
Sam Begg
Hi,
I just read your blog about bullying! I completely agree with your points, why gives people the right to comment on the way you choose to live your life.
My friend and I recently started a network of local women to try and combat this exact issue! People (especially women) need to support each other, not put others down, who are aiming to improve their life, health, fitness, career etc. Our network aims to encourage women to take more control over their health (both physically and mentally) and offer them the opportunity to try out some new activities in a safe and fun enviroment. As you mentioned in your post gyms can be quite scary places and it puts women off taking part in some really fantastic activities.
I think you are doing a fab job and clearly your training is paying off, keep up the hard work!
Sam x
Katie
Sam, thanks so much for reading! What an INCREDIBLE support group you have started! There need to be more people out there like you 🙂
Chelsea @ A Fit LittleOne
I feel like I just read a post about myself (minus the bikini comp since I’m not doing one). I’m constantly nit-picked about how I eat from my FAMILY, especially at the holidays (because I honestly do not like the food at the holiday). And at COLLEGE. I agree with you, I could totally humilate someone who eats bad if I wanted to (and I have to admit I do say a lot of stuff in my head haha), but I choose not to. I want to be the better person, and I understand that for a lot of people it’s hard being healthy. And it most definitely is! It’s not always easy for me, but I don’t think anyone else’s insecurities give them a reason to make me feel bad. I avoid my family on the holidays now, and spend more time with my boyfriend’s. I just hate the fact that people seem to think that their opinion is needed, especially when we don’t ask for it.
Just keep your head high 🙂 You look amazing and guys in the gym are probably afraid you lift more than them 😉
Katie
Thanks Chelsea! I’m glad you could relate to me and I’m sorry you deal with similar issues. Sometimes it’s better not to say anything back and that stinks!
Chelsea @ A Fit LittleOne
Your welcome 🙂 Yes!! That is always the hardest part for me. I always want to say something, but know instead there is no point, if they want my help later on I’ll gladly help them get healthy, but for now I just walk away.
D
I, personally, don’t even notice things like that. Maybe try starting a practice of tuning out those things. You will be less likely to get your feelings hurt. I’m not saying it’s easy. I just let people think what they want. They aren’t you, they aren’t me, and they don’t understand 😉
Katie
They don’t understand. And you start to notice when it’s CONSTANT. I’m not looking for pity, this was more of a blog to bring awareness.
Laura
As a loyal follower of your blog (seriously, it’s sad…I know/care more about you than I do the friends I try to keep in touch with) this truly touched my heart.
I have experienced both ends of the spectrum when it comes to being bullied for your appearance and life choices. I was a very overweight child and was bullied mostly by my family for my uncontrolled eating-the worst moment being when my dad made a “mooing” noise when I handed him my grade 8 graduation photo. For the last 10 years (I am now 27) I have lived a very healthy lifestyle, similar to yours…both in terms of eating, and how I choose to enjoy time at home..and now my family bullies me for that!!
You can’t win..you can only be happy doing what makes you feel like you are being the best version of yourself.
Thank you for bringing this to the attention of those who may not realize how hurtful they can be. You have also opened my eyes to the fact that the way I judge or try to influence my loved ones (father-in law especially) for their poor eating habits, could also be very hurtful. I will apologize and make changes going forward- Thank You for helping me be the best I can be!
Laura
Katie
Laura, first of all thanks for being a loyal reader! It means a lot 🙂 I’m sorry you have dealt with both ends of bullying. It seems we can never win huh?
Tina
Turn every negative into a possitive. The world is made up of more unhappy and mean people than happy and nice ones. If you’re being bullied it’s because they are jealous or ignorant. Either way you have the power. I say this more for the women that are struggling to hold their head high than for you Minnie. Luckily you have found avenues to handle the bullying, but many women don’t. You posting things like this is such a powerful way to help others and you should feel very proud of yourself.
Thanks for keeping it real as always.
T
Katie
Tina, thanks so much! I really do strive to keep my blog raw and real. Life isn’t always rainbows and lululemon lol
Jade
The world we live in is such a strange one. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t and weight just has to be such a ‘weight-y’ topic. Because so many people are overweight, you hardly hear any one tell them to “Stop eating that” but you always hear people telling you to eat more. I remember going to a restaurant for my parents anniversary with a lot of their friends and there was a lady there that had excellent arm muscles and all the parents stopped, turned their heads, made comments, and I know that lady heard and I was ashamed for how the parents all acted. This was probably 10 years ago and I still see that lady around and I still get reminded of others bad behavior. I think it is very okay to bring your lunch – I do it and I’m the boss over here – and for a while my employees would also look at me weird when I didn’t want a donut/extra sugary crap because I just don’t want to.
There really is no great solution unless you want to start doing some hard comebacks to what people say, but I think you are a lot like me and I’d rather say nothing and just absorb their terrible quips.
Katie
Funny how those things stick with us! I am quick with comebacks but I like taking the high road 🙂
Janessa
I can totally relate to this post, not so much the gym bullying but the work comments. If I eat a salad then it’s always “why are you trying to lose weight?” I’m just having a salad because I like salad. Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes I hear comments about how huge my lunchbox is and that’s just funny to me. The “eat a burger” comments are annoying and what really makes me want to jump all over someone is “well my husband likes a woman with curves like mine.” Most annoying thing ever. I’m happy for people to be happy with their bodies, but don’t try to tell me my husband would be happier if I ate a cheeseburger everyday. Plus this my health, not his or anyone else’s.
haha, ok off my soapbox!
Katie
Janessa, YES on the lunchbox thing. My gosh people always make fun of my isobag! And I couldn’t agree more about the curves and husband thing. I see it ALL the time on Facebook or Instagram. Real men like women with curves. No, real men like whatever they like, just like women do! We don’t have one type!
Janessa
Absolutely! And who says fit women can’t have curves too. After reading this post the other day someone asked me what my shaker bottle was for. I told her what I used mine for and got an eye roll. And “oh I should have known it was some healthy person thing” like that’s a bad thing.
Rose
Love this post… It’s so honest!!! I’m a medical doctor myself and even in the medical field, I know it’s not standard to be constantly making healthy choices, pack your own lunches, skip the cookies and cakes., etc…
I always like to think, whenever collegues make mean comments: “I’ll see you in 10 years.. Wanne bet who’s healthier, better looking, more comfortable in her own skin?”
XO
Katie
Rose, I had no idea you were a medical doc! Good to know! And yes, I’m pretty much the only one who packs and I’m the weird girl lol. Crazy for medicine huh?
Rose
Hey Minnie, thanks for your answer! Yes it’s so crazy, especially if you think about how many lifestyle-related diseases we face in the hospital… day after day 🙂
Katie
I know. I think it’s the mentality “oh it won’t happen to me”
tam
Like many, I can personally relate to this blog entry unfortunately, I will never understand why there are some people who feel it is okay to judge others by how they live their life. As someone who has had to overcome an eating disorder, it is these negative comments (similar to what sadly you have to put up with) which are a main reason why people become distorted and have unhealthy concerns. Through my recovery there were many times when people would look at me or wonder why I had to eat certain foods or at a particular time and I felt so disheartened. I am so thankful for where I am today but when people comment on why I like going to the gym, I simply ignore them or say it has helped me get through a difficult time. I too do not enjoy going out much and don’t drink which again at the age of 23 gets funny looks from people thinking I am dull or boring. But I like my sleep! lol. Thank you for sharing this on your blog, its means a lot to many of us who can totally understand. Tam x
Katie
Tam, I’m sorry you have dealt with this too. However I’m glad you are on the right track to recovery! I’ve learned too try my best to ignore it too but words can hurt.
L
Katie- I’m a long time lurker of your blog and a recovered anorexic struggling to get to a weight that is healthier without lapsing into disordered eating/thinking- also training for my first 1/2 marathon. I find you so relatable and inspiring- it’s incredible though that even as successful professional women we can still be brought to that vulnerable place from childhood when faced with bullies in our lives. When I was in early recovery, I was bullied by other women at my job because of how thin I was- I was struggling to learn how to eat and how to be in the world without narrowing it down to my food intake/daily weight and here I was getting judged and called names by other women just because they felt bad about their own weight/appearances. Thankfully, I’ve moved on… but I’m sorry that’s happening to you.
Katie
“L” thanks for coming out of hiding! And thank you so much for reading my blog. I’m sorry to hear you have struggled in the past but so happy for you that you are recovering! You would think bullying ends in school but sometimes it’s worse into our adult years :/
Garage Gyms
Look at it this way, people who give you shit about packing a healthy lunch or doing anything fitness related are just envious of you. I know it sucks to be on the receiving end of some crap from anyone, strangers or acquaintances, but screw them and their simple, little minds. While I think we’ve all dealt with this in some way or another, my experience with it is probably different as a guy. I don’t feel as out of line telling someone where they can stick it as I imagine a woman would. In any case, sorry you have to deal with that kind of pettiness. It’s draining, I know.
Katie
Thanks so much for reading! It’s nice to hear a guys point of view because most of my readers are women. I know some of it is petty jealousy, I’m not stupid, but you would think an adult would know better! Guess not…
Oh_sweet_d
Silence is the best weapon. Don’t let them know it gets to you.
They can suck it. Mean people suck 😉
Keep eating your chicken. Rock that swim suit. I remember when you wouldn’t even wear shorts!!! Or even consider wearing a suit in an IG pic. I’ve been following you for a while.
Good luck in competition.
Xoxo OH_sweet_d
Katie
Thanks girl! I keep my mouth shut certain places I need to keep it professional, but I have been known to tell people at the gym to shove it lol, whoops!
Jill
Hi, I’ve been reading for a while and never commented, (LOVE your blog and you’re an inspiration to me, despite me being about 20 years older LOL!!) but I must share how my little niece responded to bullying in the school yard. She stood up tall on top of the rounded climbing bars, hands on her hips and emphatically stated,
“No one can make me feel small without my permission!!”
Her very wise mother had armed her with serious ammunition & a very wise famous lady is credited with this statement: Eleanor Roosevelt!
Katie
That’s amazing! Good for her! Taught right 🙂
Kathy
I completley understand what you are saying. I have been overweight practically my whole life. I was bullied every day of my school life. It really hit me hard when I was teased on the school bus when I was in 8th grade. I tried to ignore the “it’s called Jenny Craig you should try it” comments, but then it escalated to them actually throwing things at me. I was depressed to the point where suicide had often crossed my mind. The bus driver found out and justice was done, but the emotional damage was done. Since then, my weight has flucuated. I had lost weight and was much thinner by the time I entered high school. Then there were rumors that I was anorexic so the weight came back on. After high school, a verbally abusive relationship, and a rejection because of the way I look, I had gained back all of my weight and then some. Because I have been bullied most of my life, I have self-esteem issues, I always obsess about the way I look, and I battle depression. Words do hurt and can impact a person’s life. I am a work in progress and am learning to love myself and not care what people think of me, but it is VERY important to stop the bullying because there are people out there who have taken their lives because of it and it effects people more than you think. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
Katie
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Words do hurt. I agree, treat like you want to be treated! Keep your chin up and keep working at it! 😀
Hakuna Matata
[…] am absolutely BLOWN AWAY by the response of Thursday’s blog. I was so hesitant to post it because I thought it was a bit controversial, but I felt it needed to […]
j89
People are just jealous! You live the way you want. You’re enjoying what you are doing. I’m a little jealous too. But I won’t judge you for what you do. It’s your life. Only you can live it! Just be yourself and let them talk. You are smart, beautiful and talented. They are only insecure. I’m sorry for my bad grammar (I’m dutch).
Keep up the good work!
Maisie
I love this post Skinny Minnie! You are an inspiration to all the girls in their 20’s who are focused and dedicated to something that is worth it! I really admire that and appreciate your constant motivation to us all. I always look forward to reading your words and you hit the nail on the head with this one! Here’s to another day becoming a better version of ourselves! Cheers! (insert protein shakes)