I Won’t Give Up
Tuesday night I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit REAL bad.
I know what you’re thinking… why!? She eats all day, it’s clearly working for her, she works out less, and she has tons of encouragement.
Here’s the thing. On my blog I am honest. I think this is why this blog works. People like honesty, they like motivation, and they like to know there are normal people out in the world struggling with the same issues. This is why I post my before and afters, to show it can be done!
Anyway, so since I am being honest, yes I almost quit competition prep Tuesday night. Why? Well I was extremely tired, extremely stressed, and I thought there is no way I am going to look like those stage girls in 11 weeks. So being a normal woman, I beat myself up about it, called myself delusional for thinking I could do it, and ate a few granola bars and a big thing of almond butter.
Yep, out of diet plan, I ate those granola bars, licked my spoon clean from the almond butter, and loved every second of it. Then came the guilt… and the tears.
I thought about not even mentioning any of this in my blog, but HEY we have all been there. I am just like everyone else. I have my bad days, I turned to food for comfort, and then felt like a failure after I did it.
Let me break it down. Contest prep is HARD. Physically and mentally. Your whole life revolves around it. Twenty four seven! You sleep, breathe, sweat, cry, and eat prep. Social life? Forget it. I didn’t have much of a social life before, but I really do not now. I was asked to go to graduation for the surgical residents at work (it’s a big dinner) and I had to turn it down. I would just sit there and watch everyone else eat and drink, plus it would be at a time I’d have to eat twice. Not worth explaining myself and not worth the stress.
To give you guys an idea of what contest prep is like here is my normal schedule:
- 430am- wake up call- get ready for work, small cup of coffee with stevia, get Phoebe ready for day
- 6am- work starts, rounding seeing patients, morning conference, etc
- 730 or 8am- meal #1, more coffee, water water everywhere
- work work work, 10 or 1030 meal #2
- work work work, meal #3 1245
- work work work, rounds, etc. meal #4 at 4 or 430pm as I’m walking out
- 5pm GYM till 630
- 7pm- walk Phoebe, shower, make us din din, catch up on endless amounts of emails
- 730pm- dinner
- 8-9pm meal prepping, cleaning up, DISHES (all that stupid tupperware, I feel like I am forever doing dishes), getting ready for next day
- 9-1130pm blogging
So…. when do I sit and rest!? Never… lately at the end of the night I’ve been finding it hard to sit down and want to blog. I love my blog, but I’m so darn tired somedays.
Luckily I woke up yesterday morning with a different attitude. Let’s face it, I am not a quitter. I may say I’m not going to do it, but I am too determined and stubborn to let someone say “I told you so”. I always have to be right! I told G-Mama about my frustrations and of course she told me she’s proud of me no matter what and she just wants me to be happy. I think if I quit I’d always have regrets… so gotta keep going. Even if I am not there by August 17th, I will just continue my journey and do another comp a few weeks later until I am confident with the final product.
Yesterday I spent most of my day in the OR. I was glad I was there because I wasn’t in the mood to socialize. After work and a quick stop at the grocery store, I went home to my girl. Thank goodness for puppy walks. Much needed stress relief! We went on two last night.
Then we CHILLED OUT! I put everything on the back burner for just an hour or so while I regained my sanity. It was my gym day off and I was so happy about that. Body was aching from chest and triceps and I felt exhausted all around.
I also made a fluff using only one small banana and it actually tasted like one of my fluffs without the extra fruit! What is the secret? I mentioned the other day I did almond milk ice cubes instead of regular ice cubes to bulk it up.
It makes the fluff SO creamy! Look how it turned out! Just a frozen banana, my protein powder, a splash of almond milk and then almond milk cubes. DONE!
I also had dinner
And took some pictures of my girl being a goof
She caught me snapping pics
That’s all for today, it’s Thursday, THANK GOODNESS! Come on day let’s fly by.
XOXO With a Cherry On Top,